Fabulously Thin

Here we are again

2011-08-03T07:59:00.000-05:00

It's been MONTHS since I last posted.

In that time I've come off the meds
Gained 20lbs
Taken a new job

And added a baby to the mix.

Weird that I put it in that order, but having the baby around (Tijke) feels so natural, normal and cool that you often forget that he wasn't here 6 months ago.

And he is cool. Quiet and happy and content. Quick to smile and slow to complain. With a Spaghetti Oh mouth when he sees something that fascinates him and a Sid James laugh when he sees something that amuses.

He loves GaGa and Glee and Cher - any kind of gay diva thing that has sparkles and musical numbers. And our world together is a musical number. I sing. He sings. We smile.

It's been all change - and all change for the better.

Which is why I mentioned the weight gain. Could it be that just as happiness hits a tumor grows? An insane thought (not that it's impossible but allowing a "what if?" to mar a current 'Glad that').. Sept 6th is scans...

Ah cancer, why can't I quit you

We all have our crosses to bear

2010-12-14T00:14:00.000-05:00

and mine is understanding the myriad of French language paperwork that comes through my door each day from various revenue services... today's was a fine for missing a deadline on a what seems like a mystery clause in a weird paragraph hidden behind a curtain somewhere in Ottawa. Have sent the details through to the accountant and am hoping that she can help sort it out but it does make you wonder what fresh horrors await behind each and every envelope and I'm genuinely scared to go down and to get the mail most days.

Anyway all of this is making for it being hard to sleep (I just picked up the mail as I walked the dog at 11.30pm) so instead I'm going to do some work. But I am not a happy bunny, at all

Forgive me remaining reader

2010-12-07T18:20:00.000-05:00

for I have not posted. In my defense my arm hurts. And it's snowing, a lot. And I have lots of things due for work. And Jude needs lots of hospital rides, and did I mention that my arm hurts, a lot.

It's been a pretty long week actually - having to walk your arm up the wall incy wincy spider style just to get into a wide necked t-shirt is hideously depressing. Being banged into by every old lady on the street is equally annoying but at least there you can mutter 'grave dodger' and move on to more pressing matters (coffee - the only reason that I leave the house these days)

What else, what else? Have a shoot late tonight then two more 10pm shoots later in the week. Last of the year... and last before the show. Hope they go well as I'm light on stuff I think. We'll see when time comes to curate some images.

Anyway some of the images that I caught up with while waiting for transportation devices or in transit are below...

i am broken

2010-12-01T11:13:00.000-05:00

On Sunday I slipped and fell.

By Tuesday it looked like this.

Hospital says that it's a bad dislocation with torn tendons. It hurts.

Chances are it will heal, or it won't. If if it doesn't then in two weeks they'll be putting pins into me.

Of course it's hard to sleep. And hard to move - so when Jude has a cramp in the middle of the night and is screaming for help I tend to be wake but unable to move to help - I think Dante had a chapter or two on this.

Still I'm moving around, unaffected by the British snow and getting people to carry bags for me - so it's not all bad

My granddad died today

2010-11-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

And while it wasn't unexpected death always comes as a surprise. I've been away from the UK for more than a decade now and one of the thing that you sacrifice when you commit to following a different path is that you lose touch with the people you shouldn't.

My memories of my granddad are pretty vivid though.

A chalkboard on a small wooden easel. World of Sport with Dickie Davies. 4pm wrestling on a Saturday with Big Daddy, Giant Haystacks and 'crybaby' Jim Breaks. A night when I was allowed to stay up and watch "Carry On Abroad", Round Robins, walking down to the racecourse for tips from trainers and jockeys (and leaving with manure for his garden), Boxing day buffets, tins of cookies, ginger snaps, diet ski yoghurts, Anne Robinson and "The Weakest Link', the Daily Mirror crossword, Andy Capp cartoons, the Grand National, Saltburn valley gardens, getting to open and close the crossing gates and watching the trains progress on a giant board.

It's all good stuff. Warm and human and carefree and innocent. And it's stuff that will stick with me. He was a good man, who lived a quiet life surrounded by people who loved him. And ultimately that's what it's all about. I wish I could have introduced him to his latest great-grandchild but it wasn't to be... still I got a lot from him and that will be passed on

Killing time before The Biggest Loser

2010-11-16T20:22:00.000-05:00

I've been kinda dazed today, off my game, half a step behind,,, afraid of the send button on my e-mail lest the text I was sending was quite mad. Not sure what triggered it but am hoping a quiet evening in front of the biggest loser (with pizza!) will solve it.

We have 9 new windows, 3 broken blinds and a smell of glue that I'm blaming for my malaise. The men were fast but horrible. At least horrible at first. The glue is worse.

To cheer myself up I called a friend at 3.30, asked for 45mins of her time and did these together... much better if only a temporary respite

Sucking too hard on your lollipop...

2010-11-11T06:45:00.000-05:00

So I've already let myself down on the blog posts but honestly I'm running from place to place, stuck in traffic and generally cursing the fact that I've not seen the dog, taken a deep breath or even managed to catch up on trashy TV in forever.

But I do have a concept for my 40th birthday photo show... it's going to be a backstage burlesque thing and it's going to be with these guys.... but in a style that feels very much more like the shot below... a more backstagey, mirror in evidence, not really looking type of thing.

Should be FUN

Breakfast with the Dutch

2010-11-05T11:08:00.003-05:00

Kinda looks like this most mornings

I have been rather remiss

2010-11-04T14:40:00.000-05:00

... with the blog entries of late and for that, remaining reader (hello mom) I apologize. The truth is that I've been exceedingly busy - with work, with runs to and from the hospital (scans, blood, more scans, check-ups, more blood) and with weekend photo shoots.

It feels as though the company is taking off, the baby is making itself felt (kicking up a storm, taking up time) and that the photos need completing before winter takes a firm hold and stops us from heading outside for a few months at least.

But things are good. I'm feeling chilled. I'm doing some good work. The baby is adding to the feeling of grounding that I sorely needed after so many years of moves, job changes, job losses, health issues and so on and so forth.

Anyway I have a call in 7 mins, which gives me about 2 mins for the bathroom, 2 to find pens, 2 to find the number and 1 to actually dial...

More regular updates to follow

Things are hotting up

2010-10-19T20:44:00.000-05:00

Despite losing my wallet yesterday (not recommended) things here are going quite well... there's a lot of work on the horizon, some interesting people in my sights in terms of potential employees and there's even the chance that Quebec might get final business paperwork to me some time this year - it may be slim but hey, you live in hope. Or at least I do.

Jude it seems is still pregnant. Which is good. Baby Tickles is now the size of a large fruit and kicking lick a drag queen being dragged towards a police van during a Pride rally

And erm, with Jude just home and 'the Biggest Loser' just started, that's it

Well that's Thanksgiving done

2010-10-12T08:33:00.000-05:00

A busy weekend here. It was Canadian Thanksgiving - but during it I had to work on around 4 or 5 things that were all due on the holiday. It was fun actually, sweating on a deadline, trying to push things through and generally hoping to get it all out of the door in reasonable shape and reasonable time.

Over and above that we went to my friend Michelle's body building show - where she was robbed of first place having been told that she was on the borderline of having a body that was too built. "Isn't that rather the point?" asked the one pro-body builder there - summing up the reaction of the crowd rather more eloquently than the chorus of boos that had greeted the judge's decision.

We also picked up a cheap (well on sale so I'm using the word 'cheap') body cast for Jude to use when she's about 8.5 months pregnant. The translation isn't great - reminding me to cover "Both the tummy and her udders" - but maybe it will be apt.

Gonna spend today thinking about cars and what can be done with them, before moving on tomorrow to think about confectionary and what can be done with it.

The nights draw in

2010-10-06T11:19:00.000-05:00

So it's started to get dark early here... and while it's still 20c during the day, at night that falls to 4c and the air takes on that crisp, toffee apple, bonfire crackle that you remember from being a kid.

The glow from behind the windows of stores and restaurants is almost hypnotic, drawing you in. Though for waistline and wallet we're trying to resist.

It means that Jude and I are spending more and more time in front of the TV and less and less walking the canals (for pleasure, not trade) but the cool thing is that as we slump in front of another season of The Biggest Loser we're often interrupted by the kick of the baby, saying 'enjoy this while you can, it's about to change'

Well that's what we take it for anyway. It's amazing how you project onto an unborn kid. When I think if baby (can't say the name here, can't say the name) I have a vision of a long, curly blonde haired, free spirited, rock 'n' roll, hippie baby that's one part Jude, one part Joplin, one part Michael Hutchence and one part Hair. I have to get with the program and also imagine a pocket protector loving, math nerd that's one part PeeWee, one part Screech., one part me I guess. But that's hard man, it's hard.

Tad on the busy side

2010-10-04T07:30:00.000-05:00

So I spent the back end of last week in New York - where as ever the roads flooded, my plane was grounded and much stress was placed on the elderly body. Coped though and made it back in time for Jude's 20 week scan -- where all was good and due date was confirmed (Valentine's Day). All a bit tight but good to make it.

New York has thrown up all kinds of things that we could be doing and so today will be taken up with cataloguing them and making sure that they get done quickly and right. All pretty standard, just lots of dotting and crossing.

Not a lot else going on right now. Jude continues to be pregnant, the dog continues to grow old in a pleasant way, the cats continue to shed, the photos have come to a bit of a halt as I only shoot at weekends and this weekend was pretty full and the weather has switched to fall - lots of sunshine, lots of cold, lots of leaves blowing.

So quiet... but quiet is good, right?

Apt

2010-09-28T14:41:00.000-05:00

I was talking to an old friend the other day (these days all of my friends are old and out acquaintances long) and he was telling me the story of how his business folded, how he lost everything and how his fall hurt a great many people at the time.

He's now ready to come back and try again but the wounds are still visible as scars and people are treating them as though they may be the sores of a leper.

I understand all sides of this one but admire his bravery and his determination to do it again and to do it for enjoyment rather than recognition.

Anyway this image 'even angels get scarred' felt very apt.

The best thing about Dad To Be?

2010-09-23T23:32:00.000-05:00

They say that the best thing about 'Dad to be' is that you get to buy lots and lots of tech' gadgets. And had Jude have been having this baby in any of the 10 of the last 11 years I'd have agreed. I'd have had a home sonar kit so that I could listen to the baby's heart, I'd have had a Stokke stroller so that the baby could be raised (like Lazerus) towards us should it cry. I'd have bought the 'Pretty City Titty Milking Bra' (or whatever it's called) and had the solar panels attached. There would have been a baby bouncer thing that mimics the 8 most common movements of mom. There's have been a baby surveillance system that would have rivaled the cameras leading to Michael Jackson's bedroom. And there would have been custom made vinyl wall adhesives in the newly made-over nursery.

But a couple of things have happened in the last year or so. I started taking the meds and the crazy has worn off. We got to know people who had kids and asked ourselves 'why are their houses filled with plastic shite?' We got to know people who said things like 'hey this crib has been in the family for 40 years, I used it, do you want it for a year?' and we learned to say 'yes'.

And of course I started a new business and pumped all of the money it made right back in, to people and flights and logos and trips and websites and office spaces and lawyers and accountants and corporate tax and (mostly) into the bank in case it all goes horribly wrong and we end up having to pay everyone without making a cent (the crazy isn't totally gone, but it's nice to have enough not to have to worry about the swamped, parched nature of a new business. We're very liquid, apparently).

So Jude and I are being frugal, by choice and by neccessity. Trying to keep the baby stuff down to a minimum. Trying to keep it to natural materials. To borrow what we can and recycle what we can't. To keep the baby's environmental footprint down and the costs of baby manageable.

That said for the last four months I've been playing a neat game with myself. One $20 bill from every trip to the ATM wasn't for me and coffee and backalley handjobs from toothless crones (all that $20 will buy you these days I think - that or two 'full contact, full nude' lapdances (but I'd not know what to do with my hands). Instead it belonged to the baby, and today I'd finally 'saved' enough to buy this

It's the I'Coo Pacific and it's really rather neat. German, lightweight, reversible, the seat turns into a bassinet, the bassinet into a seat. There's a universal car adapter, it folds if you so much as think the world 'fold' and no doubt it makes babies smarter, cooler, quieter and more likely to say 'I love you so much, you're such hip people' to their parents when they hit their teen years. It has a foot muff (all the better to avoid frostbite with) and let's not forget the rain cover bunting bag.

In the past I'd have bought this without thinking, then changed my mind and bought something more expensive, giving this one away over an expensive dinner that I'd pick up the tab for. Somehow seeing it as the result of 4 months of covert saving makes it all the sweeter. Unless it sucks. At which point I'll pay myself a huge dividend and head straight to the Bugaboo store....

And time, goes by, so SLOWWWWWWWLY

2010-09-18T08:52:00.000-05:00

Bollocks it does. It's racing by faster than you can say 'holy sweet donut holes' - which is something that you should say daily in my opinion. And I like to opine, which isn't an Irish Christmas Tree, it's an action. And one that I do so well.

Anyway this week has seen lots happen. Propellerfish finally got a new website up. It took forever but it's there and awaiting content. And it arrived just in time, as friends of ours announced their start-up Co: and us a part of the Co:llective and Co:alition that goes with it., They were in the New York times, so suddenly our hit rate went up, our twittering became more watched and a million service companies called and offered to sell us what they do for a living. Very cool. We also got Federal Incorporation, so very cool timing all around.

In 'other news' we think that we've landed on a name for 'the baby' that's a mix of Dutch, International, easy to spell, hard to say, good looking when written by hand, acceptable to the Quebec Baby Name police (no umlauts, no unpronounced French accentry) and really rather cool. It's staying under wraps for now, but I like it a lot. And I can only find one person who has it - and then as a nickname. Well done Jude, when the naming side of the business is short a person I know who to call.

Photographically it's all about the boys with the great hair and the crummy apartments. Fabulous by night they light up the social scene, air kiss and know everyone. By day they lounge on mattresses that have seen a dozen like them pass through and burn out, in apartments strewn with the debris of little cash and too much time somewhere at the end of the subway line. I'm liking it. Shooting more this weekend.

More cheek time with hospital chairs

2010-09-11T10:54:00.000-05:00

So when Jude was sent to the emergency room this week we didn't have time to pack cushions, or e-books or any of the things that make interminable waits on hard plastic chairs that little more bearable. Instead we hunkered down, we bought terrible magazines from elderly volunteers who see counting change as a kind of zen sudoku, we watched the people to fat too fit in the seats, yet too fat to stand do little circles.

Actually they were fast - day one. They checked us in, registered us, listened to the baby's heartbeat, made an appointment for a thorough ultra-scan and then let us go. The next day took longer, scan, move, wait for results, wait for injection, wait to see whether there was a reaction to the injection.

The good news is that the scans were all good, Jude is fine, the baby is fine and it looks as though it might well be a boy. The bad news - boy's names are HARD. I fancy recycling a Coco, a Lulu or a Lili. Jude's less certain. So instead we start the search for a boy's name that won't lead to fights (sorry Sioux, sorry Gaye Mary), won't sound too Sarah Palin (bye bye Thak, Thud, Skud and Moses) and won't get the kid internally searched at airports (ciao Jorge, Jihaad, Mosef)... I'm currently stuck on Berlinn... will try to get past that.

First post of my 40s

2010-09-09T09:34:00.000-05:00

So 40 came and went. I spent a big chunk of the day at the oncologists - which was a good thing. I now have a schedule for scans, two people on my case and a team following up. The Canadian system works well when you're in it - the problem in Quebec is getting into that system. One for Propellerfish I think. "How do you provide consistent healthcare when half of the people in the Province don't have a doctor of their own?" Would love to do that one.

Lots on with P'Fish at the moment. Am talking to quite a few people about being their 'innovation provider' - the trick will be finding the right people to power. I'd hate to be 'powering' people who don't really get it, or don't really like us or just don't really play well with others. So it's lots and lots of conversations about feel and mood and ways of approaching things.

On top of that have a couple of Salons coming - to show people what it is that we do and how it feels to do it with us. They're always fun to do and almost always end up churning out an idea that somebody wants to pick up and run with.

Looking at a busy period coming up too, with banks, energy drinks, governments, PR agencies, jewelers, auto manufacturers, drinks people and confectioners all vying for a place on the books.

Plus the new website is at the Proof Reading stage - which is more exciting than it should be. Liking it a lot.

Throw in Jude now looking properly pregnant (Valentine's Day Birth) and the fact that she got me a gallery show for my birthday (so lots of pictures to take, frame and name) plus a commission to take for a very cool website and a request to be the photographer for "an erotic masked ball" (still thinking about that one) and it looks as though the next six months could be hectic.

Cool

Tick, tock

2010-09-06T07:37:00.000-05:00

A decade ago I was in Bali, enjoying my 30th birthday. I was living in Singapore, the career was going well, I was being courted by companies from all over the world. I'd never been sick. Nobody around me had died. I had no reason to believe that I'd ever lose a job, or be 'let go'. Nobody close to me had ever really let me down. I was invincible and invulnerable. And an asshole because of it.

A decade later I'm sitting in Montreal. Sickness, betrayal, loss of job, death and doubt have all visited me. And they've taken my hair and the elasticity of my skin. They almost took my sanity. But somehow you get through.

And you do more than get through. I have a fledgling company that's about to take off, a business partner that's shown enough patience with me to be in line for sainthood but enough steel to make me get up in the mornings. We have a baby on the way. New friends around us. And 30" waist pants (still)

I'm less of an asshole. Calmer. More centered. Less sure. Better. 10 years vegetarian. 4 years cancer free. A person rather than a cartoon.

Life is good.

Who knows what 40s will throw at me, I know it will be something (there's progress), I also know that I'll sail through (even if it gets choppy)

So here's to the people that made my 30s bearable (thank you people) and to the next decade... who'd have thought I'd live to see it?

I know that...

2010-08-30T15:40:00.001-05:00

I know that pregnant women are supposed to be beautiful. That they're supposed to glow. To have a luminescence about them. To radiate.

But let's face it that usually translates to 'pregnant women are heavy, they sweat and perspire their way around, looking hot, bothered and blotchy.'

And for many people that's the case.

But I have to say that I think my wife looks tremendous as a pregnant lady - carrying it off with a breezy aplomb that brushes aside the nausea, aches, pains, cramps, swellings, cravings, more nausea and general unease.

It's all in the genes apparently

The oldest argument

2010-08-26T22:51:00.000-05:00

I was talking to some friends at a local sex worker advocacy group the other day and she dropped a statistic that in North America 1 in 7 men have paid for sex in their lifetime. That's not 'paid for sex' as in 'dropped a wad on an expensive dinner' but as in 'thanks for that, there's a $100 on the side table'

I decided to look up whether she had her facts straight and it seems that she does. Almost all of the surveys that I've seen for North America seem to hover around the 15% mark. Which begs the question - what are all of these guys paying for.

In the liberal corner you tend to hear 'companionship, fantasy, human contact'
In the conservative corner 'control, dominance, a chance to express innate misogyny.'

I'm pretty sure that it's a little of each, depending on the person who's doing the paying.

Which is a 'shade of grey' argument.. but an honest one.

I wish I had a better response and I'm trying to learn as much as I can about the issue. I've been to 'Sex workers do reading', I've been to a few Sex Worker's Rights meetings here and I'll talk to anyone with an opinion that's been informed by someone.

For some reason it's a subject that fascinates me...

Is this someone selling intimacy or someone selling the surrender of self determination?

And of course I'm not talking about people forced into the industry or tricked into it or trafficked in. I'm talking about the people who look at it and think 'why not?'

There's a photo series in here somewhere... taking pictures of prostitutes, their johns and their persecutors. I'm just not good enough (yet) to do it justice.

A minor miracle

2010-08-25T21:59:00.000-05:00

Getting a doctor in Quebec is a little less difficult than getting head in synagog. It's pretty much impossible. And for a number of reasons. But ultimately, about half of the people here have no doctor of their own and rely on 'walk in' clinics for their care.

So when you go to a walk in clinic, you're greeted, they take your insurance number (province provided) and they give you a seat. Your home for the next two hours at least. You wait your couple of hours (longer sometimes) and then are given a room number.

Go to the room and in springs a doctor. Last time for me it was a young guy in nice jeans who opened with

"We are busy. I have no time. You have 1 minute. What do you want?"

"A repeat prescription and a referral to an oncologist so that I can schedule scans"

"That's two things. I have time for one. Which?"

"Erm they'll each take about 30 seconds"

"And you have 40 seconds left. Choose one now, then take a seat and wait again"

"That's stupid"

"20 seconds. Choose or leave"

"Which is most likely to kill me. Not having the drugs or skipping a scan?"

"10 secs"

I chose the prescription(I told him what I needed and how much, he took notes and signed off, not a glance at my records), mentally braced to come back the next day and tried not to swing for the man.

Jude didn't take this in a supine position. The number you call to get a doctor (811) actually laugh when you tell them that you're looking. I tried for 14 hrs over 2 days once, got close then had the guy take money to register me on to then say it was for his 2 year waiting list. Not Jude.

As faculty at the university she gets access to a doctor. And was lucky enough to be one of two people 'chosen' to receive a doctor to take her through her pregnancy (they take 2 people a month, she's one of the 2 in Feb)... so today she talked to that doctor, who had heard of a program, who might be able to get you in to see interns at the hospital. They'll rotate. They have a 50% cancellation rate but they keep your notes, they have an appointment system and they can write referrals. Four hours and a couple of calls later I was in.

Nobody here can believe it. I have a kind of family doctor (sorta), who will know who I am and actually keep notes AND they're affiliated to a hospital. And I've been here a year.

Jude be a star

A perfect category?

2010-08-12T22:18:00.000-05:00

I co-run a company that's all about developing opportunities. Which sounds kinda new age, but is actually extremely commercial.

It's all about spotting the kinds of things that people will pay for and then helping companies come up with new products, new services and new ways of doing business in order to make money from that need.

So I tend to look at most categories and companies with a critical eye. Why isn't packet soup sold in vending machines at the office as an alternative to high fat, high guilt chocolate items? Why is your 20 mins waiting for a 4 minute meeting with a doctor wasted reading old magazines when it could be used to help make that 4 mins more effective? How do you make a toy that makes kids laugh like drains but offends moms more palatable, without it losing its appeal? Why don't hybrids feel more like computer games? Why aren't ALL tables and chairs self leveling? Why can't I choose a 17.5 year mortgage with annual payment holidays? Why can't I borrow money from me facebook friends?

You get the picture.

So imagine my surprise when I jumped the gun and went looking at baby strollers. They're about perfect. They twist, they turn, the rise and fall, the convert, they fold at the touch of a button and self unfold at a kick. They have a frame that takes different 'tops' - they grow with kids. You can add ride along plates and toddler seats, car seats and bassinets. They have cup holders. They have shopping baskets. And parasols. They have converters to turn bassinets into workable cribs. They have wheels that lock and swivel. They have soy interiors, so that they're not allergic. The sun visor is UV protective. Some of the materials are mosquito repellent. I can think of NOTHING that's not on either a STOKKE, an UPPA, a BUGABOO or perhaps a Quinny. And that's never happened to me before. Hell they'll even bounce and play music if you ask them to. It could just be the perfect category.

There's even Rock Star Baby

"Spa"

2010-08-12T15:13:00.000-05:00

In Montreal the word "Massage" is a euphemism.
You usually look for "Spa" if your want something other than a light rub, a quick tug and a hefty bill.

But today I saw a new place - and it looked good.
Male beauty salon - manicure, pedicure, tanning, blah blah
The window was full of services

So I went in and asked about a pedicure.

"Oh we don't have that. But we have 4 beautiful girls to choose from. And a great massage room"

"I'm sure you do, what do you mean 'we don't have that'"

"Well we're on a main street, we want our customers to be able to leave without being stared at"

"So you're not in the pampering metrosexuals business then?"

"Nope"

And so it goes. It seems that in Montreal you don't just have to take the word 'massage' with a smear of lube, but anything prefixed with 'male'... heaven knows what goes on in the male pattern baldness center

Are you a casual couple?

2010-08-11T22:10:00.000-05:00

Not casual as in 'I just screwed the pizza guy' - 'me too!' - but as in relaxed, laid back, kinda cool and overall just hip to be around. If so then I'd love to photograph you naked for a series that I'm doing that's all about being 'naked not nude'... nudes always being meticulously lit and bathed in soft light.

Let me hear you say 'yeah'

Unless I'm very much wrong

2010-08-09T19:48:00.000-05:00

... this isn't indigestion

So far all of the tests and scans tell us that it's a very healthy baby, due on Valentine's Day...

(S)he already has my head,,,,

Sleepless in... where was it again

2010-08-03T23:31:00.000-05:00

These days I'm finding it hard to sleep. Or rather I'm finding it hard to drag myself to bed. Instead I sit up at night trying to take in every moment before 40 hits me like a steam-roller and, mixing metaphors, knocks the wind out of my sails.

Not that I've loved my 30s. They don't have the 'can't be knocked down' swagger of your 20s or the 'been there done that, about to do it again and with more elan' confidence that I'm hoping my 40s will bring. I think that Elan should be the way forward for me... if I can pull it off.

But there's something melancholy about being up alone. The lig near silence (only the hum of the fridge and a dripping from the roof as today's rain finds its way back to ground keep me company) tends to make for movements that are lighter, more considered.

And still it comes. 40. Rolling toward me like the cloud racing up the beach on a sunny day. There's no way to stay ahead of it and no cure for the darkness into which it sends you. 40. And what? Now what? These aren't the questions that keep me awake, nothing keeps me awake but the desire not to go to sleep, to waste a night that others, somewhere, are savoring.

I like melancholy. That's a problem. Or it could be. But most of all I like the night. The darkness allows us to lower our masks and allow a different persona to emerge. I like myself at night. During the day I'm too busy being my day self to notice this, quieter person. And I don't write crap.

40. man.

Has it been that long?

2010-08-02T14:05:00.000-05:00

t's been an age since my last post. I blame Pam. I've been traumatized by memories of her slow motion dancing, Shatner type girdle and 'better known for my lie down than my stand up' type lines for weeks now.

Luckily the summer is simmering along nicely, I have proposal after proposal after proposal to get out to people and there's enough on the horizon to make the haze of the desert bearable.

And then of course there are the festivals. They're everywhere. You can't move for the happy people buzzing along in street pedestrianized and wandered by drag queens. Drag is everywhere and happily it's Guy Pierce rather than Terence Stamp in flavor. Crude, over the top and quite, quite lovely.

Mind the free festival period is slowly coming to an end as the paid festivals (music mainly) start to take their place. This weekend was Oshega (Arcade Fire, Weezer, DEVO!, Keane?), the weekend before Heavy MTL (megadeath. slayer, korn, Alice Cooper?) and we have some very cool people filling up the evenings in the parks at things like Picnik Electronik (Justin Martin, Elite Force, Paul Ritch)...

So there's still time left for fun...

This is what my world looks like right now (well my evenings, the days are spent kicking myself into gear on the biz, but that's another post)

Pamela Anderson Gala

2010-07-17T11:51:00.000-05:00

So it turns out that watching Pamela Anderson do comedy is about as comfortable as having a proctological exam from Edward Scissorhands.

We squirmed, we twisted, we held up our hands in horror, we covered our ears at the deafening volume, then our mouths as she left her dancing partner on stage for what seemed like a week as she changed outfits, slowly.

Oh it was horrible. She dressed as a seal (to go clubbing, geddit), she danced (slowly) --- she wished she wasn't there. And the audience wished that they weren't either.

Minchin

2010-07-15T05:57:00.001-05:00

I love Tim Minchin. I think that he's inventive and relevant and witty and in no way a modern day Richard Stilgoe passing time until the call comes from dictionary corner.

And Rove is the reason I moved to Australia. While I was out there checking out a job he interviewed Elmo - and we decided 'any place that has a place for this on TV is a place we'd want to live'

Jarred Christmas is from New Zealand, which might explain why his parents misspelled his first name. And why he does the occasional 'hobbit' joke... it's the law there. In the same way that a New York brick wall necessitates an opening that goes something like 'I know, I look like the bastard offspring of A list celebrity x and C list celebrity y' - so too do New Zealand comics need to talk Lord of the Rings.

As it happen Jarred was a very cool host for this, got the energy going, handled the bizarre heckler well and kept things on track. Rove looked like a millionaire TV producer trying to prove to himself that he'd still got stand up chops - he does but he has no material.

And Minchin, well he was good - and better than good when he was being venomous 'fuck you motherfucker' was genius.

Mighty Boosh?

2010-07-13T10:22:00.000-05:00

So last night I took advantage of Zoofest's cheap tickets and went down to see Noel Fielding play a very small room, at 10.30pm in the Red Light District of Montreal.

And he was nae bad at all, actually.

It's weird to watch a comic morph from James Joyce "Stream of Conscience" nonsense verse "where's he going?" into more of a life experience "this happened to me" kind of act. It's a tricky tightrope but he's walking it quite well - dropping character occasionally, infusing the real life stuff with flights of fancy and generally trying to live up to the promise of his outfits.

It jars at times - Kiss at 6 years of age, sledding with kids at Xmas. Not bad gags but tonally very different to 'my neighbor the porcelain monkey with the wooden legs" for example

Still a decent night for twenty bucks... and the chance to see a 'big name' in a small venue

So it's finals day

2010-07-11T09:39:00.000-05:00

The 'oh so close' Dutch against 'notorious chokers' Spain.
World Cup 2010
Final.

Or as Shakira 'sang' "Wikki, wacky, wah - ya, ooh, 'cause this is Africa"

Jude is fixing and ironing her oranje tops.
I'm running the washing machine

The temperature is high.
Nelson Mandela is under pressure to attend despite being 92, in mourning and ill-health and not wanting to.
There's oil spilling into the gulf.
Right wing parties are gaining traction around the world.

It's crazy.

Fantastic... right now off to one of Canada's many Irish pubs, in a French speaking part of town with a bunch of Germans

Hurrah

Sweat drenched blog post

2010-07-06T16:26:00.000-05:00

It's 36c in Montreal and 30c in my living room. The fans are on but being greenies we don't have aircon and so as the humidity rises and the animals sprawl on the floor looking for a little cool from the wood I've decided to apply sweaty fingers to keyboard and keep you abreast of all that's going on.

With Indonesian milk out of the door and prestige German auto makers almost put to bed my attention is turning to less prestige Japanese cars, and kids toys, and American cars and credit card companies - oh and a telecom company. Lots to think about then - which is a good thing as too little to do leads to regular viewing of Dr Phil and from there the slide through Dr Oz to Rachel Rae is a short and precipitous one.

Have a midnight shoot tonight - fur in the heat and we're looking to light some fires too. Should be sweaty. Shot some people at the weekend too...

Here's some of the latest stuff

Unzombied

2010-07-03T07:01:00.000-05:00

And so as the jetlag slowly fades and the World Cup finally warms up I find myself in a kind of nice limbo... feeling more alive yet still quite floaty... day structured around being able to see the games without having to miss a deadline and holding distractions at a minimum. It's a rather lovely way to be, now all I need are for the pieces of work that I do between 6am and 10am and then between 3pm and 6pm to be attached to ever larger cheques and all will be well with the world.

Interviewing people to join The Fish here at the moment; which is both exciting and scary. Quebec law means that they're going to be local rather than imported, not an issue but again it adds focus to the search. The exciting bit is that it means that we can expand and take on more work - the scary thing is that it means we have to expand and take on more work. This rollercoaster has been cranking its way up to the top of the hill for a while now, it feels as though it's cresting and about to take the long plunge down the first straight. You want to scream, you might want to get off but then you realize that you're having a good time and that you'll be back in line the second it stops. That's where I am. And it's very cool.

The airport longue in Hong Kong

2010-06-26T12:20:00.000-05:00

is really starting to feel like home...

... though having watched people coughing, spluttering, spitting and then scooping up peanuts by the dirty handful I may now understand just why I always leave HK with a 'dodgy stomach'... and I'd been blaming Cathay.

This trip was fun... I know more about the Indonesian milk business than I had before and I know that it's actually really interesting.

That said it's 1.20am and I have a flight in an hour... so time I took a shower

A quick photo update

2010-06-16T20:59:00.002-05:00

I've not been that busy photographically over the last 6 weeks or so,,, concentrating instead on how to make some money, which seems to be sensible. But here's a quick 'what I've been up to'

James was a lovely young man... all angles and long face but very keen, very astute and quick to come up with ideas. We did a lot of stuff but in the end I liked the grainy - Michael Cainey stuff more than anything else. Not sure why these shots felt like Alfie to me (James didn't) but somehow that's the mode that I got into.

Everyone who takes pictures has a shot on a railway line and as I live right next to a railway line it would seem remiss of me not to take a pic or two down there. This was for 'stylist Tristan' and a series of shots that he's doing with colored tattoos and monkey masks.

These guys I love to pieces. They're great fun, alway show up on time and want to do a shot again and again until they nail it. Nothing is too much hard work, nothing is too much to ask and nobody is looking at the clock at any point.

The kind of shoots that I just love doing - easy, breezy, beautiful... etc.

Sam has always had an extraordinary face.

What struck me about him this time was just how his body had changed.

He put it down to Hindi push-ups

And veganism.

And living alone.

I think that it's hard work, discipline, genes and youth.

He could (and should) go far --- people want to work with him and it's easy to see why. I still owe him a shoot that's as good as he is.

Guiseppe is one of those people

who look totally different on

camera to the way that they

do when the walk through the

door.

Another lovely guy, who took the

bus down from Ottawa for a few

headshots - he was another who said

"Oh, okay" when I'd throw on a snoot,

shine a too bright light at him and ask

him to don a hannibal lecter mask

Hurrah for cool people

I shot Julian in his own place

It was amazing

As is he.

He makes hula hoops for a living

And gives hula hoop classes

Oh and he does yoga

And models

And makes great tea

Accompanied with unusual but delicious jams

When I grow up I want to be him

Until then I'd be happy to shoot him every day

The Viles are great.

The make clothing

And accessories

Have the coolest kids

And endless ideas

Again I'd love to shoot and shoot and shoot with them

But I think that I might have to get better first

Andy was about as Canadian as it's possible to be.

And all the better for it.

He grabbed props.

Made shots

And moved on

All I had to do was click and click again

And we were through

Got some nice headshots too

It would be too easy to fall in love with Cristelle.

She's got great energy, a really good portfolio and she knows how to move...

Which helps a lot.

Maybe I'm a sucker for a French accent, maybe it's that bubbly enthusiasm or it could be American Apparel underwear, I'm not sure but this is a shoot that had a very good clicks to hits ratio.

Smart,

Arty,

Willing to take things off in the cold

Stefan was a joy

And he knows his art theory

Which helps

Especially when the photog wants to hide smart 'easter eggs' in his images.

So that's it. Not a huge work rate... but you get the picture(s)

Neeeeeee-ooowwwww-mmmmmm

2010-06-13T07:54:00.000-05:00

So as we sit and have breakfast here we're being serenaded with the high pitch whine of formula one cars warming up for a race that starts in a couple of hours.

The good burghers of Montreal love their F1 - and the fact that it disappeared last year has only made the appreciation grow. There are street parties, 300,000 tickets to see practice and the race sold, Ferrari hats, shirts and bags everywhere and, miracle of miracles, the promised rain has held off.

I've been taking it easy on the party front but I will be off out a little later and have some Fringe tickets tomorrow night - for something that's part work / part pleasure. Let's hope it's more of the latter.

This is a busy week. Have a Curation Session in Toronto, a first 'what can you do for us?' meeting in the same city, a presentation (or a third of one) in Jakarta and then back to organize a 'wine tasting and ideation' session; expect tetchy and knackered posts ahead

Up late and for no reason

2010-06-11T22:27:00.000-05:00

It seems that sleep is harder and harder to come by these days... of course it's age and dying braincells to blame so I try to keep myself occupied with things that force me to concentrate. It hasn't quite reached Brain Trainer levels yet but I do play a lot in photoshop - often using low-res images to make things harder.

The results tend to me mixed - as you can see here, but the exercise keeps me going and helps take my mind off the car presentation, the bank presentation, the credit card presentation and the conference presentation (all of which I'm looking forward to - I likes me a stage)

Meanwhile there's the World Cup, the Fringe festival and meetings in Toronto, Jakarta and Singapore to keep me busy.

Hurrah! As the English are hoping to say (but fearing they'll not be able to) after the England vs USA Word Cup opener tomorrow

Waiting for something to happen

2010-06-09T07:40:00.000-05:00

I've realized that the longer you leave between blog posts the more momentous the event that will start you blogging again needs to be. Or so it seems. It took cancer to get this thing going after all.

But nothing momentous has happened in the last 6 weeks and so the blog has been allowed to slide, slowly and inexorably towards terminal halt... with only the urging of friends acting as the brushers before a curling stone to keep it going.

And now I'm back and writing what appears to be absolute nonsense.

Anyway the blog is back. I've been working hard to get the company here up and running, paying lots of taxes, doing a couple of projects, driving about, flying here and there and generally trying to piece together a plan that looks like working. I even took a break from taking pics to do it - so you can tell that I was serious.

Montreal is good - we're heading into Festival season and already (pre-Fringe) I've been to Strip Spelling Bees and to Cycle In showings of The Goonies (I'd not seen it)

Coming up I have Jakarta (the place), GaGa (the star), Cyndi Lauper (the ex-star), a breakdance battle, a friend's son doing stand-up, Pamela Anderson hosting stand-up, Tim Michin singing stand-up and a show by a phone sex worker... lovely stuff. Oh and three photo shoots - one of which involves setting fire to things

Should be good

Singapore

2010-04-21T07:50:00.000-05:00

Toronto + 16.5 hrs (14 * ash cloud + headwind) = Hong Kong
Change to earlier flight = 3 hr saving
Stomach 'issue' = uncomfortable day in the air
Hong Kong + 4 hrs = Singapore
Singapore + jetlag*stomach issue = early night

Not since Noah last shaved

2010-04-13T11:19:00.001-05:00

.... have I blogged... which is a sign of being busy with work and with life.... shooting a lot, getting ready to put a joint offer together, resisting i-pad, booking flights to Singapore for next week and a raft of meetings there... nothing exciting to others but keeping me occupied... so a brief one this, ahead of a real one tomorrow

Still just swamped

2010-04-05T21:46:00.000-05:00

So the blog stays quiet and uninteresting... apologies

To make up for that here are a couple of recent (very recent) pics

Real blog entry tomorrow

Not dead - just dog tired

2010-04-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

The blog as been 'resting' for a while now... as I've been working like a dog in a bid to finish up a contract before moving on to concentrate 100% on my own business. And then there's been time at home, which has meant catching up with photo shoots and model meetings - scheduling things; figuring out ways to do things in Photoshop that don't look 'off shelf' and generally spending too much time at the computer.

New rule as of today though. No work before breakfast or after dinner. No computer. No e-mail. No calls. Tough when you're thinking about a Pacific business from the East Cost of North America; but do-able.

And despite all that there is flying around I'm feeling in complete control at the moment. Good at what I do. Happy to take charge. Excited by the future. Looks like success, therapy, pills and sunshine are the cocktail for happiness after all.

Oh - this is kinda what I've been shooting

When I grow up I want to be a dragon...

2010-03-22T21:44:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen I have a dream. A dream in which I, from a throne of gold, dispense advice, money and mentorship to people with ideas. I want to be a Dragon, or a Shark or whatever those bronzed millionaire investors you see on TV call themselves in your part of the world.

I was asked the other day "What is it that excites you? I though that it was ads, but it's not, what is it?" The answer of course was ideas. I love ideas that move people to change their behavior, to follow a dream, to believe that they can bring people along for the ride. And I want to be in a position to help. To dispense not only money but the wisdom gained in acquiring it to people in need of both.

And so begins the quest. I seem to have fallen into a business model that sees us spending half of our time helping start-ups get to the point where their dreams could be a reality and half working with big companies to help them give their ideas the momentum that they need in order to push them through their organizations. It's cool. It's all about ideas, processes, momentum, wisdom, force of personality and the ability to foresee those who will foreshadow doom.

I can't remember being as excited in a very long time... all else has been canceled and I'm focused in a way that I haven't been since I realized that my Xmas present of a telescope allowed me to peak between the cracks in the curtains of 44e (the house number and chest size of the woman who lived their... spookily)

Stay tuned for adventures from the entrepreneurial side.

A weekend at home

2010-03-21T19:40:00.000-05:00

I finally managed to get a weekend at home, which was rather nice actually. That's not to say that it was a work free weekend, but it was one that felt a little more relaxed and a little less interrupted by work than usual. Was a little sad when my model for tonight cancelled (after the venue fell through at the last moment) but we'll reschedule and all will be good. Thinking of taking him very glossy and very much in the Tom Ford style (as shown in the mood-board here)

Next week I should manage 6 days in Montreal - which would be a bit of a record. And 6 days working on PropellerFish business rather than on making money for other people and taking a fraction of it as payment. Someone told me that the man who designed the Nike Swoosh logo was paid $18,000 - and that it probably felt like money for old rope at the time... but how painful must every pair of shoes look now. Rather a cent for every time it's used I think.

Was in Toronto with business partner and rather slick business person Alex last week... despite giving people a pretty truncated version of what we did I think that the people in the room got it, enjoyed it and had some good ideas. Some interesting opportunities coming out of it... of which more when Jude isn't typing on my head - something that is rather distracting

Tardy

2010-03-16T06:52:00.000-05:00

Posts to the blog have been rarer and less interesting than Unicorn shit recently but the truth is that I've been digging myself out from under a mountain of work and toward a taller mountain of work - that should be more rewarding and more lucrative. That's the plan anyway, especially as I've pretty much torched the last mountain and tortured this analogy beyond its break point. So I'll stop.

Needless to say it's been busy and continues to be busy... let's hope it stays that way or starvation may be in my near future... as ever we shall see...

Cold, wet but not entirely miserable

2010-03-14T16:50:00.000-05:00

It's Saint Patrick's day here in Montreal and it's cold and wet.
We decided to skip the parade and head for the cinema (the too shaky camera's Green Zone)
Which is just as well because right outside where we were standing the police say a 19 year old guy was killed - after he jumped from a float, lost his footing and was crushed by the truck. Not great.

The wind is howling like a 3 year old denied an ice-cream allowed to her twin; the cats are curled up, Alex (our friend in from Singapore) is curled into a tighter ball in the hope of finding some internal heat and I'm so fat off dining out that I'm oblivious at the moment.

Still Velcro, it seems, is happy

Off to Toronto and a couple of meetings there, leave Tuesday and thinking about driving - depending on cost etc.

Nobody leaves without a photo

2010-03-10T21:08:00.000-05:00

Our old landlord (that's ex rather than elderly) came over today. I like him. He has hair that I'd kill for. And the cutest son on the planet. And he's kinda cool. So naturally I plied him with orange juice and took as many pics of him as I could. Results are here.

Rest of the day has been busy closing up gum. Booze ended badly when I baulked at 1am e-mails, demands that I spend more time in NYC and general chaos. Was just not a marriage made to work. Like Kate and Jon or Pamela Anderson and anybody. A shame as there are good people all over it. Good enough to make my absence go unfelt I'm sure.

Looking forward to finally having the decks cleared and getting on with my stuff. Business is looking as though it's about to really take off and I don't want to be caught with my pants down (mixing metaphors?)

Right enough of my rambling - time to tidy before my beautiful and successful wife comes home

Deliberate

2010-03-07T14:29:00.000-05:00

I'm in the middle - or rather at the start of watching what promises to be the excellent The Damned United

But every time someone speaks Jude hits suck on the vacuum cleaner - and drowns out the dialogue.

It's now quite comic.

As is the scheduling with one of the companies I'm trying to work with. Shambolic. Ho-hum.

It's time to bring back "fuckwittery" I think

Kinda inspiring...

2010-03-04T15:21:00.000-05:00

in the last couple of days I've met people who are shooting a very cool idea with an amazing Hollywood director, gotten together with a gender challenging extreme burlesque performer, arranged to go to diary readings by 4 sex workers, have sat at the table with a guy who worked with Tom Ford at Gucci and built a huge fragrance franchise post that, to Diddy's Ciroc people and a host of others who have made my jaw drop. I've also not slept. So cool and killer at the same time. Home tomorrow. Thank God.

Back in NYC

2010-03-01T23:53:00.000-05:00

Back in NYC and already it's starting to feel like spring. It's 7c, sunny and there's a hint of flesh back on display as Gap scarves are banished to that 'where did we put them?' place until next year.

Decent trip in despite stupidly short notice, a flight that wasn't actually booked and a pilot who circled like a vulture over the soon to be corpse of a C list celebrity (their faves) Still the man at immigration was a big Smirnoff fan... which was weird and held up the line as we chatted about the various misconceptions about the brand.

But mainly it's been about meetings and calls and more meetings, then calls to arrange more meetings during which we'd discuss upcoming calls. Must find a shoot to help distract myself.

More and better tomorrow... when I'll bend over backward to accommodate you (matron! missus! sauce! etc)

So the heat didn't happen...

2010-02-28T19:02:00.001-05:00

We knew that the weather was going to be bad when everyone we talked with mentioned the 'cold front' and pointed to the pile of sweaters that they had at the ready. The diagnosis was confirmed when the guy delivering breakfast greated me with a cheery

"Good morning; it is a terrible day"

And it really hit home when our Hyundai AtoZ (why do we always end up in Hyundai's redundant micro-car? could it be that we're cheap) was plowing through two foot floods in the backwaters en route to Santa Clara (home of bits of the remains of Che)

But ultimately it didn't matter. Booking an all-inclusive was a hideous and horrible mistake. It felt like a bizarre version of The Biggest Loser ranch; where each of the massive people struggled to gain as much weight as possible by piling on the buffet then laying stock still and slurping Pina Colada until it was time to eat again. Just horrible.

Still we got out and about. We climbed through bat and cockroach infested caves, bounced through mangrove swamps on a jet-ski, drove to strange and wonderful places, took recommendations on lunch, photographed people at home and marveled at how all life in Havana seems to take place on a balcony... at least until night falls.

So not the warmed bone marrow that we'd been promised; but not a disaster either. Now who's up for a swish villa in September?

Time for a wee vacation

2010-02-20T13:59:00.000-05:00

It's time for a short interlude... Jude and I are looking to leave the snow behind (yup, snow at last) and to get a little heat in our bones as we head down for 8 days or so in Cuba. The animal food has been stocked, instructions written and the people briefed. The bag is packed, the flight is booked and the dog is looking at us woefully (suitcases make her sad)

I've been shooting as much as I could this week... two women, one guy and hope to get some great shots in Havana and surrounds... but for now tales of supper with Newfies, of enhanced woman on the living room rug and of the meanest air hostess to fly the skies will have to wait

Until March - peace out people

Back in the land of the living

2010-02-17T10:28:00.000-05:00

I'm in New York this morning (flying back later today) and enjoying a morning that allows me to think hard - but not stupidly hard about things that are important but not Haiti life and death daily important.

I think that what I bring to any company at the moment is enough detachment to be optimistic, a short enough tenure not to be exasperated and enough energy to re-start the rolling of balls. So it's all about making it feel easy again. Losing the detail that bogs down. And setting people tasks that feel exciting.
At least that's how it feels this morning. I'm sure that it will change.

Have a hard-drive full of edits that need making when I get back... sigh (satisfied sigh)

2am posts

2010-02-14T02:05:00.001-05:00

So I'm just back in from a photo shoot for the very lovely people at Glam Gam and Jude is up due to a combination of ailments, medication for the ailments and my inability to enter the house quietly. And here we are, in bed - she listening to an audio book, me writing a blog in what just might be the most 21st century moment we've had (in the bedroom) in ages.

Got some great shots tonight - the Beercan lens really works magic when teamed with the A850... but as each image is 40MB and needs converting to JPEG I haven't actually uploaded any yet. A shame but good things come etc.

In addition to all of the stripping excitement, naughty cupids, auctions and general theatricality (Montreal blows New York away when it comes to intensity in performance) I've been hard at work on all manner of things that actually get more exciting the closer they come to happening.

All cryptic I know - and I apologize both for my inability to spill beans and my unavailability to take calls - it's all very 2am at the moment

Crazy busy

2010-02-12T09:07:00.000-05:00

I am a bad, bad blogger but sometimes life gets in the way of cataloging what's happening in life. Actually SJP recently said that in New York life was what happened while you were waiting for a table... I liked that. So I've been up to the elbows in gum, and in thinking about a new process that I can run for big corporations, and in Jude's spasming back, and my need to do tax forms, PR documents, more tax forms, a lecture at a university, a couple of shoots, a U&A study, dentists, doctors, bankers and lawyers.

It's basically been a lot of hurry up, wait a while, hurry up some more, dash, rush, wait. Frustrating as all hell. But there you go. As an example of what I mean. On Monday I'm in Toronto talking projects, on Tuesday I'm in New York closing out a project, on Wednesday I have a shoot, on Thursday I have shots and stuff then on Friday I have final submission of a document and on Staurday I leave for Cuba. Feeling the pace and my age. And it doesn't help that the newest version of Powerpoint writes in a format that no other computer seems to understand.

Grrrr.

Still at least I got another playboy shot this week - from a 45 minute shoot! no idea when I'll find time to edit the images.

Another in the series

2010-02-09T09:48:00.000-05:00

I'm shooting three people this week - and finally have some more women on the roster. The shoot today is a trick set up but yesterday was pretty simple. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but there's something to this one that rings true and I think that it's amusing, if not funny.

Today is a woman in full military garb - which means that I'm going to have to run out and find full military garb (there's a store I know) and Thursday is my fave body building lady doing something that was originally soft and feminine.

I also have my eyes tested today, and an appointment with a therapist who, bless him, seems delighted at the thought of a new client to to extent that you start to worry about either the health of his practice or his own mental health. I'm one sunny reminder of 'our appointment' away from fleeing for the hills. Do I need therapy? I think so... just wanna ride the coaster that is life without fear of becoming derailed. It's an indulgence basically - but one I can afford.

Mind last night I watched Hoarders (an America show about people whose houses are a filthy, cramped, full of shit mess) followed by How Clean Is Your House? (a low rent, seaside postcard British show that features the same kind of messes)... Hoarders sends in a psychologist to help figure out why people are hanging on to so much shit it's endangering their lives. She pokes, prods and cajoles people into 'letting go' as a cleaning squad disinfects. How Clean is your House sends in a heavy set 70 something who says things like "You've let yourself get into a terrible state, depressed and for what? Want of picking up a duster - you daft apeth."

I have to say that while Hoarders is better made and probably better for the people involved long term my sympathy lies with the sentiment of the British version - which is probably reason enough to head for therapy.

Home, home on the range

2010-02-07T13:08:00.000-05:00

I made it back to Montreal.

A quick dash from Cadbury in New Jersey to Newark, a LONG wait at security (one line, two idiots, much murderous intent) and out before Stormaggedon headed in (26 inches dumped on Washington in a day) and home in time to catch The Dog Whisperer.

Last night we headed for dinner with these lovely people... modern Mexican all around and some of Jude's fast becoming a specialty canapes afore we ventured out.

This morning was a shoot for me while Judith tried to get some reviews done (I was making a lot of noise) and this afternoon we're off to a Nordic spa to partake in a bit of a scrub, massage and thermal bath treatment, rolling in the snow optional but encouraged.

C;est ma vie

Once again

2010-02-05T08:11:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to leave New York

A major storm is heading in

It's scheduled to hit as I'm scheduled to take off

Sound familiar?

I'm in New York

2010-02-02T14:17:00.000-05:00

I'm unexpectedly back in New York after last week's meeting got shunted to this week... and the back end of this week. Fingers crossed that it will go well because there are good people on the brand and they deserve a bit of a break after lots of slog, we'll see.

I don't have much time for me during this trip - it's all office, run-thrus and American Idol back in the hotel but I will try to connect while I"m here and I am looking to shoot this guy while I'm here if possible...

All I'm carrying is my camera, a flash that I can;t trigger wirelessly (until the part arrives from Hong Kong) and two lenses... both portrait (a 35-70mm and a faster 50mm f/1.4)... should make for something interestingly lo-fi I'm hoping.

Home by Friday and then in Toronto next week in a bid to ink a deal that will put PFish in business in Canada.

My eyes? itchy, getting sharper by the day - still struggling with the glare from the computer screen

Brrrrr

2010-01-31T23:19:00.000-05:00

So with the temperatures settled in the -20c range and a wind chill that makes it feel colder still I am boxed in, looking through hazy eyes at my computer and wishing that it was warm enough to take my lovely new camera outside for an hour or two. Alas the forecasters tell me that there's no hope of having electronics friendly temperatures in the next oh who knows how long and so instead I keep forcing Jude in front of the lens in a bid to figure out which button does what and why,

Most useful so far is intelligent preview. You click the button, it takes the image and shows you what it looks like - then allows you to play with the exposure and depth of field until the image looks the way that you want it to - adjusting the settings for the next shot as you go. Smart.

having no built in flash when every wireless Sony / Minolta flash is triggered that way is a bit stupid though. Sony's $600 fix looks no better than Hong Kong's $30 fix - so I'll take the $30 version I think - and see what happens as a result.

That's about it for tonight - hopefully will have more (exciting) things to talk about from tomorrow on -as I'm back in the office and on the look out for interesting projects...

I am weak

2010-01-30T12:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm weak. Really weak. And obsessive. But knowing this makes me stronger. I think. Had to spend 3 days in New York this week. And another three next week. Am working weekends. And it's -20c outside. So I thought "Why not splash one day's work and just but the A850?"

Now there's a very good argument that I should have stuck with what I had and invested in lenses. But those lenses would have to have been sold when I went full frame... and that's a hassle. And I have 4 very good Minolta lenses that will work on the 850.

There's a better argument that I should have waited a month or so until the camera shows were done and the price would have come down... but you can always wait, prices will always come down and you always end up feeling as though you're settling for last generation's technology. Or I do.

So I've decided to just enjoy it. And it's 40MB RAW images (new harddrive next I think)

This was the first pic outta the camera, no flash (it doesn't have one) just a 40w bulb in a 500 ft sq room. It's not great but it was enough for me to think - "Good decision"

More PRK side effects

2010-01-28T19:23:00.000-05:00

So today I have vision that's great long distance but with the computer is hazier than Ronald Reagan's memory and more blurred than a Cybil Shepherd close up. I can't see a fucking thing basically.

Frustratingly this is normal - I'm due some corneal irritation as it settles and I'm getting it. With eye drops making me first wetter than a nymphomaniac in a sex shop and then dry than a nun's twot at a bible burning I'm starting to get used to the extremes. And to be zen about them. See... Zen.

It's actually not that bad and being able to see 90% of the time is amazing. Let's hope that the other 10% doesn't take too long

Oooh, 'ello

2010-01-26T16:15:00.000-05:00

So after the PRK (eye surgery not a stint in North Korea) - I finally have the protective lenses out and am seeing well enough to type, to read documents and to generally make my every thought know to every person willing to listen. It's weird being kinda able to see (like the Karma Chameleon and to certain extent a few of my younger friends) my vision comes and goes. It should slowly firm up (older friend gag goes here) before stabilizing in a couple of months. A long way for a ham sandwich you might say - but only if you're the kind of guy who plays chess in the park and won't pay for coffee that doesn't give you change from a single.

Tomorrow I get on a plane and head toward New York (concrete jungle, off pitch chorus, club anthem) where I shall tout my wares one last time before giving up and concentrating on the real work and the real money here in Canadia (if not Quebecistan)... New York seemed like a good idea as I know people there, can get the cost of the flight covered and of course it has lots and lots of camera shops (well they're stores but you get the picture - oh I'm good, did you see what I did there?)

Hoping to be back before the weekend is out as Jude has a friend staying, who I dreamed about only last week. In the dream we'd all been charged with tagging as many rats as we could with silly string that we were shooting from cans when suddenly she appeared from the canal carrying a large crocodile and beaming as only Steve Irwin, a Used Car Salesman about to unload a Pontiac and a criminal (spot the difference between those three) can.

Lasik day

2010-01-21T08:08:00.000-05:00

I have Lasik today. The old fashioned, PRK, eyeball peeling, 5 days of contacts, 4 months of sun glasses Lasik. I'm not doing it for vanity or even for convenience. I'm doing it for the metaphor... the idea of seeing things in a new way, relying less on tools I know and on being freed up to do things sans excuses is the lure.

Still I do feel a little like this about it all.

Who knew I was 'sex positive'?

2010-01-19T22:25:00.000-05:00

It seems that as I photograph more and more people without trying to jump on them, "introduce them" to my dog or generally reveal an agenda better left hidden my reputation as a 'sex positive' photographer grows. I'm about to do a Stella benefit (stella works on behalf of Montreal's sex workers in the absence of full unionization), am doing some backstage burlesque and have more and more people calling me and asking whether I'd be part of their project. I'm saying yes to anyone with a good vibe and being careful around the rest and I'm enjoying it.

Turns out I'm good around nudity. The weird thing is though that I find it much easier to photograph men than I do women - and for that I blame Fiesta, Knave, Splosh, Big Uns and all of the other Reader's Wives porn mags of my youth. They basically programmed me to shoot naked women in a certain way. Later reading and the odd museum taught me that they were vessels around which light might shine.

Now when I shoot women I find myself trying to avoid the obvious, while shooting men has no real thinking involved. Weird... not a major thing but a sign that maybe the world needs a little more 'Sex Positive Thinking"

Cutting down on the shoots

2010-01-18T09:30:00.000-05:00

So I rushed back from a great few hours in Toronto (who'd have thought THAT was possible?) and straight into a photoshoot that took up my whole evening... I had two more arranged for the next day, two for Monday and one for Wednesday too... which suddenly seemed like a lot. Yes I wanted to get in as many shoots as possible before Lasik took me out of the game on Thursday - but surely I wanted a bit of a life as well, didn't I?

Result? Cutting back on the shoots, trying to bundle them into Studio Days where I can get hair, make-up and real space and manage to get 8 hrs of time in a row.

Mind I do have my first night at a decent camera club tonight, some skiing either Tues or Weds, Judith's brother coming over, a really important proposal to get out, scans to arrange, taxes to do and a lot of money to make. Very excited by the potential in the business at the moment.

Right -am at the office time to stop stalling and get down to some actual work

What a mistake to make

2010-01-16T16:08:00.001-05:00

I've wanted the Sony A850 camera from the day I first read about it. It's full frame, has a great sensor, is 24.2mp and contains all manner of useful bits and pieces. Today I made the stupid mistake of picking one up and testing it. It's gorgeous and snaps shots with a heavy thunk that makes my camera feel like a plastic toy. It was all that I could do to walk away - but I did. It's a $2000 investment and I know that the price will fall (my last camera, with a kit lens now retails at a mere C$420) but I'm just aching for it with every fiber of my being. Damn it.

On a kinda related note had dinner with a friend and his friends last night and was joined late by someone who had been working... he was a stripper in a male lapdance club and had made $1300 on his shift that night (a good night admittedly). That would buy 3/4ths of a camera. Now Canada is Full Contact so to make the money he basically had to chat up old men, lead them to a booth and then see how many songs he could get out of them before they balked at the escalating cost.... it usually ended up with them groping his naked genitals and requesting more (he's not allowed to comply) but it seems a small price to pay.

Real Gold was getting a VIP room booking - an hour with someone, a private pole, some champagne and anything up to a Grand for the time. To get those regularly you needed a few things he said... first when you got your 1 song to dance to on the main stage you needed to be engaged, use the pole, show some athleticism, have a routine, show that you could move slowly, fluidly and with rhythm and then not disappoint in the cock department (hen nights want you half hard but they never splash cash, gay guys wanna see you 'tied off' and to get you half hard later). You also needed a great 'barside manner' - these guys have to approach clients, say hello, hold a conversation, hold the customer's attention and then move it from amiable to libidinous in seconds. It's a tougher skill than the pole by all accounts - and the real money makers are the guys who you think genuinely like you.

I'm thinking that the latter skill might be something that we tap into for a session or two on engagement....

Time for a wee break

2010-01-14T22:50:00.000-05:00

So with both of us getting excited as soon as the temperature gets above minus 10 we decided that it was time for a little break - and so we're off to Cuba... home of Fidel, British honeymooners, no Americans, cigars, pieced together old cars, the phrase "that may be difficult", old crooners, hot swingers and rum.

Hurrah. Oh and Huzzah!

Tomorrow is a 5am start to get the 6.30am train to Toronto... early as hell but trying to avoid the airports while they're crazy.

Finally getting down to some work

2010-01-13T15:04:00.000-05:00

I write the blog from me new office (hurrah) where I'm sheltering from the cold, the snow and the generally Januariness and working on a couple of proposals that I need to get out into the world.

Last night's floatation bath did me the world of good (although the salt has played havoc with my skin and I'm not sure that it was a great idea for Jude) as did the massage afterward.

Today has been a little less relaxed though I was befriended by a middle aged Russian lady who insisted on cutting up some fresh ginger and dropping it into my tea as I "looked cold on the inside" - to warm herself up she poured generous amounts of French Vodka into her black tea as she told me the story of how she got to Montreal, the dark bear of a husband she left behind in Russia and her poly-lingual daughter. It's nice to be back in a city.

Dominated by shoots

2010-01-12T16:53:00.000-05:00

I realize that this blog is fast becoming dominated by photo shoots - but right now I'm in full photo shoot mode... it really does help me to have 2 hrs a day where I'm totally focused, concentrated, relaxed and actually in charge. Once I have the shoots done I can then get on with real work; and I tend to be more productive. I'm starting to get to know my models too, which is always a good thing. It makes me feel as though they're confident in my abilities and makes them more relaxed right from the start of the shoot.

Anyway today (tomorrow and Friday) was about more of the Playboy stuff and this time it was a lo-fi sauna look that we were going for. Very unedited versions of what it's going to look like here...

And a shot that I took during the 'set light' phase here.

Tomorrow is Indian woman doing Native American (geddit?) poses

And we follow that with a very soapy bath shot and a young woman who speaks no English...

Watching the world walk by

2010-01-11T10:13:00.000-05:00

So I sign on the new office space today... and as I was a little early I decided to take advantage of Starbuck's and Bell's Two Hours of Free Internet with a triple shot latte (I'm not sleeping and need a kick start) on St Catherine - Montreal's main(stream) shopping drag.

The view from the window is very Montreal. Tanned people in Canada Goose jackets promenading. Tourists trying to work out the parking poles. A restaurant 'O.Noir' that serves its food in total darkness, a Lebanese lunch place and of course "XXX XXX Spectacle Erotique Studio Octopussy" which flies the Quebec, US and Canadian flag and has old school neon signs promising "Live XXX shows"

A scan of their website shows that it's this girl who pulled the dead zone shift today - Alehandra will doubtless be filing her nails between 'exotic massage' and 'erotic dance' - the smell of bleach heavy in her nostrils as a man who never thought that the job existed mops down the cum stained floors from the night before - in a bid to give his children a chance at a better future.

A few doors down Sexe Cite offers a more wholesome 'toys and costumes' experience... but the real life is always on the floor just above eye level.

Never give a nervous model an easy out

2010-01-10T18:42:00.001-05:00

So today I was supposed to shoot a model who's a competitive figure skater (I think, maybe an ice dancer)... his profile said that he was comfortable shooting nudes and he approached me to be a part of my Playboy shoot - and to get some more 'wet and wild' shots for his portfolio. The fact that his portfolio doesn't have any nude shots should have really alerted me to trouble ahead - but the truth is I don't really care whether people wanna get nude or not - I just wanna shoot some.

Anyway as the days went by and his messages came through clearer and clearer. Could he bring an escort? Could he wear boxer briefs? Could he move the date? I tried my best to be reassuring - yes a chaperon is fine, wear as much or little as you feel comfortable with; I'm flexible on times and dates.

Of course what I forgot in all of this was to give him my address. And by the time I did he had a legitimate 'it's a Sunday, traffic will be murder, can we reschedule?' excuse. Schoolboy error from me; fair enough on his part and another date set up. But as I'd set up light and the most lo-fi set to date it seemed a shame to waste effort (even effort as minimal as this) and so it was off with the togs, up with the lights and on with the show.

The results aren't great but they keep me on track, on schedule and (when posted on the fridge) on the diet. Oh well... onwards and upwards.

What I did today

2010-01-10T00:32:00.000-05:00

Today I took some old lenses, an April 1970 Playboy magazine, a 5' 3" Welder from Montreal and a couple of hours and did this.

Tomorrow I'll start to work on a lot of the other images that we shot together and turn them into something that's lovely and shiny.

I do love the 'digital age' - even though there will be no record of it at all in centuries to come

In the swing

2010-01-08T13:24:00.001-05:00

So after a small gap to tend to Judith's raw eyes after her Lasik surgery (she can see again, more on her blog I'm sure) I'm back in the swing and taking a bunch of pictures over the next three or four days.

In about a half hour I have this guy

Followed by two people tomorrow... both shooting Playboy Centerfolds for me...

Oh and I have this girl lined up for a date on Sunday too

It's gonna be busy I think

Liverpool House

2010-01-07T07:17:00.000-05:00

Last night we had dinner at Liverpool House - the third in a row of "The Menu is on the chalkboard" restaurants owned by the same people and saddled with a stellar reputation.

The atmosphere was great, rustic, laid back, busy and buzzy. The wait staff sexy (in an Angelina Jolie, 'I cut myself' way) and knowledgeable - but like Liverpool FC the overall experience didn't live up to the promise and the whole thing faded as the campaign went on. Throw in a bill for $150 (with only one of us drinking and a shared dessert) and you have a recipe for disappointment. Rather like this post.

But then it's 7.15am, I'm prepping for Jude's eye surgery at 8.15 and the animals are growling, prowling and punting for food

More industrious than a 6 year old Chinese factory worker promised adoption upon completion of her 50,000th shoe

2010-01-05T13:44:00.001-05:00

I've been working hard today. First and foremost I think that I've found an office space - one that I can share with others in small, creative businesses, yet still grow into.

It's cute, it feels right, the people are around the 'right' age, there are conference rooms, a meeting space and lockers and it's not hideously expensive. Plus it's in a pretty cool part of town. Just waiting on some sort of condo / co-op committee approval now.

I also started to pen an idea that I think might actually do some good in the world. I know a lot of people who specialize in trend forecasting - and they tend to be good at identifying how people are feeling and what kind of emotion they'd be searching for as a result. Then I know a lot of people who can take a product and link it to an emotion via ads, packaging, design and editorial. Where there's a gap is in the middle --- someone who can take the trends, turn them into products and brief the comms people on what the product does. That someone could be us. I hope. Vague I know - but there you go.

I also did lots of house things today - polishes, cleaners, tidying, bills, buying food, thinking recipes... it doesn't take too long and I actually find that I enjoy it. Which is very odd. Still may be short lived as I have a trip to Toronto next week that I'm hoping will result in some work and a couple of projects further afield on a low simmer.

Fingers crossed on the space...

Not quite what I expected

2010-01-04T16:24:00.001-05:00

So yesterday, after skiing, I had a shoot with a model. He was looking for some headshots and some gritty, grainy outdoor stuff... I was looking for some fun studio stuff and a pose for my "70s Playboy Centerfolds made-over series"

Of course I was most excited about the last one - as it's the first in a series of 120 and I'm hoping to shoot a full year (12 shots) over the next two weeks.

But of course what happened was that all of the shots for his thing are gorgeous - the best pictures that I've taken to date in my opinion - while all the stuff I did for myself is, well just a little "Reader's Wives"... I guess that you live and learn... here's a very roughly edited version of the first in what will be 120 shots for your perusal... and many thanks to Sam for being as patient (and as game) as he was.

And he takes... the Bronze

2010-01-03T15:14:00.000-05:00

With the snow coming down, people spinning off the road, winds whipping up the 6 feet high drifts and snow banks into devil's tendrils and people generally driving as though there was a medal for pussydom we headed for Bromont and the ski slopes... where I took a lesson, got a feel for the mountain, lifted my head, conquered the ski lift and moved smoothly and with parallel skis down the mountain - slowly but in complete control.... result? I passed my Bronze level and now have a lesson lined up for silver (speed, control and more parallel)

Of course keen to show off my new found skills to Judith I promptly slipped, skidded, fell, floundered and generally flailed at the very sight of her... but then she has that effect on some men. Waiting for a model to show up now... hope it's gonna happen

Getting a life - on hold due to holiday

2010-01-02T11:26:00.001-05:00

So I wanted to start the New Year in a co-working office space, the kinda place where people in funky glasses hang out and sip whatever is cooler than lattes while playing with the i-phone apps that they wrote themselves. But alas Montreal is closed today. Having New Year fall on a Friday was just the excuse we needed to close shop for three days - and every excuse to pack up and go home is snatched with a glee usually reserved for C-list celebrities invited to a Red Carpet event.

You can't even get a Lesbian haircut. Which must surely be a sign of the apocalypse - or something.

Anyway here's the to-do list currently hostage to Montreal's "oh no you don't" start to 2010

1. Pills to stop the over excited dog's diarrohea
2. Find an office space with people I want to spend time with
3. Sign up one interested, circling, client for January - and another for February
4. Get the new company website designed, up and running
5. Finally become a regular at the camera club
6. Get my 'success refund' from the French Language Class people - use to to sign up for more French
7. Book a ticket to Toronto, hold meetings there
8. Get back to the ski slopes
9. Lose the last 4 lbs
10. Shoot all 10 models interested in doing Playboy Centerfold project with me

They're not in order of importance... but getting #1 done would be good.
Time to start making phone calls I think

Steve

The things you hear at weddings

2010-01-01T12:12:00.000-05:00

I was at a friend's wedding last week when during dinner Mini Marilyn Manson called to say that he was snowed in (there was about 2 inches of snow, but I guess you have to work to scale) and that he'd not be able to perform at the wedding after all. The groom was actually crushed but made my evening when he shrugged and said "I guess it's always the little things that let you down"

2010 is upon us

2010-01-01T09:14:00.004-05:00

.. and this one I've labeled the 'borrowed time' decade.

For too many people 2009 stood as a testament to a decade that sucked - and my 2009 was no different yet here I sit naked at a dining room table covered in wax from the candles that lit last night's dinner with friends... alive, healthy and ready to be happy.

I won't dwell on the down stuff here (it's so last decade) instead I'll set the tone for a new decade with a promise... twice as much fun, half as much fear.

This is to be a two footed decade, a decade of leaping and then looking for a landing spot, of laughing at myself and then at the world (and not the other way around - as so much of the last decade was). I'm ready, it seems, to have some fun and mature enough to appreciate it.

The last week has been my run up to this. I've done so much that in the past would have filled me with the kind of circling dread that was paralyzing. I'm an ice skater, a skier, a strange kind of wedding photographer, about to be a shooter of alternative centerfolds... I may not be great at any of them. But I'm out, I'm trying it and I'm enjoying abandon. Hey, I've even signed up for Lasik

So there's the Resolution. I'm already living it - and I'm already happier. I hope that you stick around... I think that this is going to be fun

2010 - and we're back

2009-12-30T21:19:00.002-05:00

Just like the lady herself

Retiring the blog

2009-10-04T19:04:00.004-05:00

Looking at the length between posts and the lack of interesting stuff in each post has made me realize that this is a blog well past its sell by date and so I'm retiring it - for now at least. I realize of course that blogs are like Cher - and so any retirement may be temporary and it may come back looking and sounding like nothing you've seen from it before. But not for a while I hope.

It's been a weird couple of years. We've had death, cancer, job losses, forced moves, loss of babies and a whole bunch of other issues that didn't make it as far as the blog to contend with. Actually it hasn't been weird, it's been a period of concentrated misery compounded by disaster upon uncertainty.

The fact that I'm here at all is a minor miracle. The fact that I'm functioning is down to the friends, the family, the people who posted comments and even those who just came looking for a snatch or two of a celeb or two and added to the numbers. I'd like to thank you all for everything along the way.

If the last three years have been about not falling into the increasing chasms of despair opened by circumstance I'm hoping that the next couple can be about the future. About brave and bright new opportunities and experiences that give stalled lives fresh momentum.

And I wish that not just for myself, but for all of you. May your lives be filled with passion, with joy, with adventure and with a kinetic energy that takes you from experience to experience with energy and open hearts.

And that as they say, is that

Thanks all

Steve

Automne à Montréal

2009-10-01T11:36:00.002-05:00

c'est ici Octobre
les feuilles changent de couleur
la température est en baisse
tout le monde porte un manteau
et mon français est maintenant à sa limite

Yes Autumn is upon us, the leaves are changing colors, the temperatures are falling, people have moved from t-shirts to jackets to coats in the space of a week and I'm back in French class and trying very hard to get an ear for this stuff again.

Lots to be done at the moment - not least setting up some proper book-keeping. I haven't had a paycheck since February and I won't be writing one until I manage to set up some decent spreadsheets that I can share with the accountant and work out some form of salary for myself.

But today is pretty much taken up with French homework, a deck that I'm writing as a proposal for a piece of new business and with an attempt to bring a little beauty back into my life by doing some interesting work with some interesting models. We shall see how that goes.

Generally though things are good. I'm back in the gym. We've found a parking space in the garage next door, the last of the festivals is in town, there's a photo show all over town that I really want to see, we haven't had to turn the heating on yet (though it's coming) and we're starting to look at some houses in the area; which reminds me...I must call the mortgage guy.

So all pretty much mundane stuff but after the last month or two it's nice to sit back, relax and enjoy life a little. How French of me.

A shortage

2009-09-29T10:26:00.002-05:00

Quebec it seems has a shortage of family doctors. It costs more to practice as a doctor here, the tax rates are higher and the government pays less than they do in neighboring states. As a result about 1 in 4 people here can't find a family doctor. Instead they choose a clinic, make an appointment and see whoever is available.

That works for most people. But when you have a US oncologist insisting that he'll only release records to a specific doctor rather than to a clinic full of them it gets hard. 20 phone calls this morning to people claiming to be taking no patients gave up nothing.

So I called US oncologist. Who called Quebec oncologist. Who called his receptionist. Who in turn scoured the hospital. Which turned up a newly qualified doctor happy to take me on if I'm happy to pay for blood-work. Deal!

The system here works, it's free, the quality of care is good, but breaking into the system is hard. Oh to be in Alberta - said he jokingly.

I'm telling you it's human nature

2009-09-27T14:38:00.003-05:00

I tend to only really like Spencer Tunick's work when it's very architectural. The rest of the time I'm impressed by the scale but left rather cold at the execution - and I always think that his portraits are technically weak.

But there's something about this image that I really like. First there's the fact that he got THIS many people to show up. And then to get naked. And then to rest their heads on the naked body of another stranger. And he managed to convince them not to mug for the camera. Or to wave. Or to try to stand out. And what you're left with is mass intimacy. And I really rather like that.

Am thinking retirement at the moment - and whether it's better to put the money in art than to put it into some faceless bond. I like the idea of speculating in beauty - and in having the investment on display every day. I also like the idea of owning some pretty special photos.

Let's see what the year brings...

Home at last

2009-09-26T21:18:00.003-05:00

So I'm finally back in Montreal and have very few plans to be away in the next few weeks - other than a day in Michigan at a conference.

Jude's Albany conference seemed to go well, the 3.5 hr ride down there started to hint at the first sign of fall with some vivid colors and suddenly 30s temperatures and we managed to catch up with some old friends. Which is always nice.

Both feeling like crap now - me finally allowing myself to come down off a pitch schedule that was brutal and lubricated only with late nights and alcohol (pitches get me thinking and thinking keeps me up at night)

Now it's back home. Back to a schedule. And back to the gym. And I really can't get started fast enough.

Back in Montreal (for a day)

2009-09-23T09:16:00.003-05:00

So after a few days in New York and a pitch to a big client in Atlanta I'm finally back in Montreal - for the day. Tomorrow I'm heading down to a conference in Albany where Jude is talking about a paper.

New York was a lot of work, a lot of long nights in the hotel alone and two lovely nights with my friends Gareth and Amy who not only took me to comedy but also to a comedy, burlesque, mexican wrestling night that saw a woman who looked like Prince stripping, a woman getting naked inside a balloon, slutty sisters on the trapeze and best of all a TS and a midget (both glow in the dark, the midget dressed as a chicken) jumping 30 ft from a balcony onto and into the crowd. Luche Va Voom - I salute you.

Made the whole trip worth it.

Thank you guys.

Blog will now be kept up to date with German regularity.

Last day in NYC

2009-09-20T09:07:00.002-05:00

It's my last day in NYC. Just signed into the agency here for the last time. Will head for Atlanta tomorrow. Then home on Tuesday. No more trips like this one I think. It's good to be out and in people's faces and looking for new business - but the idea was to work from home, not spend my life on the road trying to convince people to let me work from home. Still we're in a good place right now. And it's getting better and better.

Proper blog to come... with jokes and things

Still on the road

2009-09-17T22:14:00.003-05:00

So here I am, still in hotels, still unable to sleep and still on the road. Thank god for laptops and wireless access is what I have to say.

I've managed to catch up with youtube, to follow up with friends on facebook, to tighten up some parts of my book and of course managed to find a clean up service that will remove the unconscious bodies of tazed hookers at a very reasonable rate.

The staff here know me now and I'm starting to feel like a regular. It's worth nothing of course but that's not the point -- there's a whole other value attached to a nod and a smile when you're away from home.

Madness... madness

two colors of pen

2009-09-15T10:55:00.001-05:00

I've started writing all of my work stuff by hand recently

And using a black and a red sharpie.

I don't know why.

But I have found that art directing my thoughts makes me focus my thoughts
In a way that bullet points used to.

Weird that, huh?

Fabulously Phat

2009-09-13T17:36:00.002-05:00

You see what I did there?

In New York for a couple of days and last night managed to join up with Gareth and Amy (of Amy and Gareth do mad things fame) at their fab new pad in a fab area surrounded by fab things and quirky, over-confident NY kids.

Drinking, curries, more drinking, comedy, a stagger home, another drink, a Tylenol and 9 hrs sleep later and I'm up and running and feeling just dandy thank you very much Margaret.

Hotel crawling with fashion week flunkies
Williamsburg ditto

YSL gave me a nice mag in a white bag / sleeve though - so they're forgiven.

Can't wait to get home... couple of flights and cities between now and then but counting the sleeps as they say in Oz

Rough Day

2009-09-11T21:58:00.005-05:00

I gathered that today was a rough one when I found myself curled in a ball in the corner of an airport crying uncontrollably (never a good look, dangerous when flying into New York on 9/11)

The reason was very simple, I think. The people that we rent from have the house on the market. We knew that when we moved in, and we were cool with it. Our last place had been on the market too. They just started showing the place and now there's an offer on it. I'm not around to work out a mortgage in time to counter the offer and so we're going to have to move (again) in June.

This shouldn't be an issue. We move a lot. What's the big deal? Right?

Well the big deal is that we chose this place with all kinds of future plans in mind. We saw it the day after Judith found out that she was pregnant. The pictures had a nursery and a crib in them. And I'd imagined this being the place to which we brought home that first child. This wasn't another house - it was going to be a real home for us, for the family that we were going to have.

Of course, as those of you who read this blog know, our happiness seems rationed and so the baby - like health and employment so soon before it, but with more tragic impact was lost. Leaving us with a house that we loved and dreamed of filling. And now (it seemed at 1pm today) was taken too. This wasn't a house that we were losing, it was the last physical connection to the baby we lost and the dreams we had for it.

And I am SO done with uncertainty. Cancer haunts ever quarter. Employment is at the whim of people who have proved mercurial, and three times a day people walk into my home and discuss in front of me what they're planning to do with the room that I'd planned would sleep my baby.

The truth, the real truth, is that I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Just one pillar that I could cling to in the tsunami of bad karma that has been the last 5 years would be great. But I can't find one. And I am drowning. And just as Stevie Smith said people seem to think that I'm waving.

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow -- when I will go back to a windowless office and spread my brand of optimism and good cheer amongst people sulking at losing a weekend. But today, I think, I'm allowed to be down.

The things you miss

2009-09-10T12:45:00.002-05:00

So while I was in Brazil I managed to miss the Fetish weekend here... which was a shame as they have a fetish exhibitionist walk that would be fabulous to photograph.

Similarly I'll be away from the Burlesque Festival - which I really wanted to be involved in but somehow conspired to be away for.

So I'm missing everything but coming back to Montreal each time is feeling more and more like coming home - especially as the skies are both brilliant blue and always visible. The temps are down a little (23c as I write this) but the sunshine more than makes up for it.

I like it here. It's a shame that the house is for sale - 3 people a day tramping through is enough to disturb even my sense of equilibrium... but we're looking at buying options (it may just be too early for us) and at the idea of moving again with less dread than in the past.

I'm happy today - working hard on a cool project and from a distance; in a city I really like. Life is good. Now where's the kick coming from?

Last day in Brazil

2009-09-07T06:25:00.002-05:00

It's my last day in Brazil today - though they have asked me to stay. By they I mean the people who I"m helping out here, not the Brazilian government. It's been damp, gray and fattening. Too much food, too little time outside and as a result I'm feeling fat and a though I swallowed a million razor blades.

Other than that things are good. Annoyed at not being able to really use my phone due to $3 a minute roaming charges... but in spirits as good as weight gain will allow.

Be good to be home... even for 3 days

And it's Brazil

2009-09-05T16:27:00.002-05:00

So here I am in Brazil... on too little sleep and with 'dinner and samba' being the thing that is going to make it a late one tonight. The weather is grey and cold(ish) and we're working the weekend - but it's nice to be in an office that has great natural light, on a schedule that blurs the days and amongst people who have ideas for a living.

Reading "Risk" and again loving sociology - if only it wasn't so Educatating Rita - all middle aged women trying to figure out where their lives and marriages took such a wrong turn. I could be interested.

Right - power nap time! Then it's hip swinging starters and heel ball toe entrees

Mission Part Complete

2009-09-02T21:00:00.003-05:00

So I had my New York meeting and was rabidly but genuinely enthusiastic... meeting went reasonably well and I really liked the people. Usually that means nothing as average tenure in a job in NA is 4 years - but these people like to stay a while in their positions and that would be good as I'd love to work with them.

9 hr flight down to Brazil comes next... will be there until the 7th - and then fly back home to Montreal for a couple of days before coming back down to the mothership for one final push... should be good (we hope)

All of that said it's been an uneventful couple of days, I've remembered why I do and don't like agencies and I'm looking forward to working with creative types over the next couple of days.

Sing hallelujah

The Royalton

2009-09-01T06:39:00.003-05:00

I'm at the Royalton in new york, preparing for a meeting on Weds and then a flight to Brazil on Thursday that will eat up a holiday weekend and swallow up a birthday as I head for home on Monday.

The hotel here is all slick chocolate browns and glass sinks, flat surfaces and fake wood - it's kinda nice but you wonder whether they'll get the money they spent on the design back before fashion changes and they're forced to spend to change it - and whether they ran those numbers. Still it has a gym (desperately needed after the last three weeks of airports) and a bed that's free of bugs and not overly soft - so I won't complain to anyone about this choice.

Be good to get past this trip and be home again. Life on the road is expensive and it's lonely; my credit card bill being the only thing that I seem to check in with while traveling. Oh well, here's to Sept 23rd and being back without a trip on the horizon (said the man about to leave one great city for Brazil... surely a better trip than Toronto)

I am now officially the worst blogger ever

2009-08-30T16:33:00.003-05:00

So after all of the drama at the airport I got home to see my wife and a very dear and equally old friend and settled into a routine of frenzied hard work. I'm busy. Partly because I'm helping out on a global pitch and partly because, as global pitches too often are, this is one that has a million loose ends all urging you to tug a little and see what happens.

Throw in a couple of flights this week - first to New York and then down to Sao Paulo, Brazil and the hotel shown above and you suddenly start to see just why I've not been around. It's crazy. Stupidly crazy. And of course I'm letting myself suffer. The gym routine is down to nothing, the wine intake up 100%, I have a metallic taste in my mouth that makes the thought of food too bloody much and I'm sleeping like a baby (waking every two hours and screaming)

But it's almost done. I shall be home soon,